Worthy Endeavors

Subtitle: This is why you should run very fast in the opposite direction if you ever meet one of us in real life.


Lamar: HI MERRIMAN WELCOME TO THE NUTHOUSE! Poor guy.

Merriman: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Le Poissons: another boy? hallelujah!

Lamar: Dude, TCol2 is on this email chain. And he's gonna kick your ass!

Sorry, I can't even type that without laughing.

HI, Col2! <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Le Poissons: i heart TCol2 too. but he totally has a vagina.

which begs a question, COD............

TCol2: Le Poissons...I will push you over and take your lunch money.

Lamar: You guys are so tough. No, really, so tough. So much testosterone.

Greta and I could kick both your asses. And don't THINK you don't know it.

Le Poissons: first of all, TCol2, you wont be pushing anything because you're being lame and skipping togafest. (had to call it that. makes it more merrillish)

second, i don't fight girls. but i will happily do a Raiders of the Lost Arc Tibetan shot contest.

Lamar: It is so on Le Poissons.

NoCuervo: Don't tease people who are skipping Togafest.

Le Poissons: stop right there. you're not coming either, NoCuervo?

NoCuervo: Nope. My bank is going to come and repo all my belongings to get up to a positive bank balance. The Sue has said that it is okay if I do not come, so I am either hiding in my apartment or going to Rhody to eat my Mom's food.

Le Poissons: banks. sheesh, what jerks.

Nanette: I like that the absurdity of the coming weekend has already started at 10a.m. Friday morning before.

WELL DONE people. Exceptionally well done.

Lamar: Frankly, I'm surprised none of us have openly started drinking yet.

I mean, I guess I can only speak for myself, TCol2.

NoCuervo: ::removes flask from desk, goes to get diet Coke::

Le Poissons: speak for yourself, prude!

COD: Hey! I am only one who gets to drink at 10 AM since I am unemployable.

And I am sorry to be missing the togas, but it's very important that I never leave my apartment. Ever.

Lamar: Why? Is our apartment on fire? Have you started a meth lab that I don't know about?

NoCuervo: Dude, COD and I are going to run a meth lab so we can pay rent.

Lamar: Just make sure to ventilate it properly. A meth lab explosion is not the dramatic death I have envisioned for myself.

Merriman: Fire ants?

Lamar: Or mauled to death by rapid squirrels. I haven't decided.

Rapid? What will they do, chase you around a tree until you die of exhaustion?

Nanette: How is it that the only one of us, coughcoughMEcoughcough, with access to legit chemicals has not been invited to partake in the running of the meth lab?

NoCuervo: Because YOU are making oodles of money. This meth lab is for poor people. And COD was the valedictorian of her class. She and I can figure it out.

Lamar: But she made me light the Bunsen burners in Chemistry class. Because, apparently, I'm a pyro.

Merriman: Well I'M making Oodles of Noodles. So there.

Nut: What would happen if we saw Gabe Kapler, Chris Daughtry and Ami James walking down the street?

Lamar: DUDE. That would be like the apocalypse of hot.

Nut: The hotpocalypse.

Lamar: YES. It'd be like the hot, bald harbingers of the hot hotness.

Nut: Awesome.

Lamar: Really, "hotpocalypse" is brilliant.

Nut: How did it take us so long?

Lamar: Blinded by the hot, bald, tattooed hot?

Nut: Probably.

Greta and Nut on a Sunday evening:

Nut: there is a miami ink marathon on

Greta: WHAT

Nut: it is a good thing you have me in your life.

Greta: sweeet...no shit

Nut: seriously, i am going to miami.

Greta: this show is awesome

Nut: i am going to go to miami and get an ami tattoo

Greta: "can you tattoo yourself on me?"

Nut: hehe, that was not what i meant. i meant one from ami

Greta: of what?

Nut: i don't care. i just want his hand right there [said hand is splayed all over a hip region of a customer]

Greta: you have a very low pain tolerance. maybe you should just try to get drunk and fuck him instead.

Sometimes, you only need to hear one side of a phone conversation.....

Nut (on the phone): Hi Steevil!

Nut: Shoop.

Nut: SHOOP.

Nut: S-H-O-O-P. Shoop.

Nut: Not the Spice Girls.

Nut: Not the Spice Girls. Salt n Pepa.

Nut: NOT THE SPICE GIRLS. SAAAALT. N. PEPPPA.

Nut: Not spice girls.

Nut: I've been informed that you know all the words.

Nut: Whatever.

Nut: Bye Steevil!

NoCuervo: I don't know where my friend is. I haven't heard from her in forevever. She could be dead for all I know.

Lamar: So if you haven't heard from someone in a while, you assume they're dead?

NoCuervo: Sure.

Lamar: We're calling this the "Ruben Studdard Corollary."

*Phone Rings*

*Nannette checks time*

*3 a.m.*

Nanette: Hello?

ArborMist: hi

Nanette: Are you okay?

ArborMist: i just drunk dialed fussel.

Nanette: .........

ArborMist: i know. but.

Nanette: He moved to CA without telling you until TWO weeks later!

ArborMist: i know. but. i wantedtoseehowhewas.

Nanette: ArborMist! NO! You are not allowed to call him!

ArborMist: remember how i told you about that big fancy job he had with a pharma company? he's not doing that anymore. he's acting on some soap opera.

Nanette: Oh? Which one?

ArborMist: i don't know. he wouldn't tell me.

Nanette: Did you google his name?

ArborMist: YES! and i didn't get anything. you know how your porn name is your pet's name and like the street you lived on as a kid?

Nanette: Yes?

ArborMist (wails): his dog's name was booger!

Nanette: ..... um ....... okay?

ArborMist: i think that means he's acting in illegal mexican fetish porn!

Nanette: This is why you don't call.

NoCuervo: Apparently, Ashlee thinks she's hotter than Jessica. My, how the tables have turned.

Lamar: What is her definition of "hotter" pray tell? Is she talking physically, vocally, popularity-wise or is she just running a temperature?

NoCuervo: "My legs are longer, and I don't have such a massive chest." DAYUM.

Lamar: I think probably most people like the massive chest. I mean, is that not why she's famous? That's why, right?

Stop freakin' crying, Lachey.

NoCuervo: Jessica is crying too. She can't believe he "did this to her." Shut it, hobag. Your dad is creepy, and you chose him and Dane Cook. End of story.

Lamar: Who is Dane Cook and what, exactly, did he "do to her?"

Also, you know I am all for equality and not making fun of dudes for being sensitive and all that shit. But the Rolling Stone article was about freakin' Lachey having to put down his GLASS OF WINE so he could have a GOOD CRY.

And he allowed a reporter to be there for this.

That is not wise, my friend. It does not make you seem "sensitive." It makes you seem like a giant pussy.

NoCuervo: Dane Cook is a comedian who was in a movie with Jessica and apparently shagged her then posted on myspace. Nick went to the press and whined, which hurt her feelings and all her friends had to come over and apparently Nick himself called to check on her. Giant, giant, pussy.

I never put down booze to cry. I do both at the same time.

Lamar: This is why myspace is evil. Plus, it makes my eyes bleed with all the floating hearts and what not.

I have cried into beer. But I have never put beer down to cry. No.

Now, the most disturbing question: Why the shit do we know so much about fucking Jessica Simpson and goddamn Nick Lachey?

NoCuervo: Because their problems have prettier clothes than my problems.